oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize