she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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