oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
