Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How does one acquire holy water?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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