The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
