We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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