My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
