Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
