you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
