Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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