whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize