there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
