I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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