He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
