Already got asked if we're dating
I'm lost and stupid without you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
