I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
