my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
