when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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