i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
