Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
