Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
