i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
