that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
