the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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