We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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