What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
