I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
