My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
