You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
