So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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