He kissed a someone with a penis
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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