cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
