fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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