my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
