I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
