Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize