Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
