sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
