mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
