Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
