Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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