Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
