in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize