opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
