just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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