Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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