Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
