I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
