therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
