dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
