I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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