so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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