i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think a kid would responsible me up
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
