My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
