Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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