I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
