I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
