ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
