Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
