Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
