Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
