one two three fourrrrnication!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
