i think i have herpe
just one?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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