I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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