I am midnight drunk by noon
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
