I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize