im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
