if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
